Why My Son Shouldn’t Sleep in My Bed, But He Does Anyways
Babies Should Sleep in the Crib
According to the AAP ( American Academic of Pediatricians) policy for infant sleep was that they should sleep in a crib with nothing other than a firm mattress. This seemed like common sense. Baby sleeps in the crib, and as a first-time mom, I thought this would be the case.
AAP recommendations on creating a safe sleep environment include:
- Place the baby on his or her back on a firm sleep surface such as a crib or bassinet with a tight-fitting sheet.
- Avoid use of soft bedding, including crib bumpers, blankets, pillows and soft toys. The crib should be bare.
- Share a bedroom with parents, but not the same sleeping surface, preferably until the baby turns 1 but at least for the first six months. Room-sharing decreases the risk of SIDS by as much as 50 percent.
- Avoid baby’s exposure to smoke, alcohol and illicit drugs.
I read all this information and was sure the baby was going to sleep in the crib. No other items in the crib. Which is the opposite of what happened, lots of items ended up in the crib…
but no baby.
Week 1 –
This was such a rough week. He slept on my stomach, attached to a boob most the night. Then I would move him to the rock’n play ( I recommend one to every momma). Thinking once I get the hang of this he will move to the crib.
I spent A LOT of time in bed or on the couch. We did go out to visit people because I am not a homebody. I was about to go crazy being stuck at home. No one expects a one week old to sleep in a crib. So I didn’t worry about it. It will happen I told myself.
Month 1 –
By month 1 he was still sleeping on my stomach. I would wake just to place boob in his mouth and he would fall back asleep. Thinking once he gets the hang of this he will move to the crib. I tried the sitting up and breastfeeding and then moving him to the side. He took forever to finish nursing, so that didn’t work. When I tried to stay up by playing candy crush on my phone, I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Sitting there for two hours, wide awake. Only to fall back asleep minutes before he woke for next feeding. I soon learned this was not the best for my next day sanity.
Month 6 –
Still was beside me, or leaned against me. Usually ended up falling asleep with a boob in his mouth. He did not sleep through the night. Still, to this day, he does not sleep through the night. He would wake for something…then it was pacifier or boobie milk. Now, it’s for pacifier or from night terrors. My body constantly ached as he started to get heavier and heavier weighing down my chest.
I have always been amazed at how I was always so aware of him. Before I was a mom, I was a crazy sleeper! It’s shocking that I would wake up in the same position I fell asleep it. How is that even possible?! Countless mommas have experienced the same thing, but it still amazes me!
Month 8 –
Finally got him to sleep in the crib for half the night! Although, he would wake up wanting to be nursed half way through the night. When I say “got him to sleep in the crib”, I practically had to sacrifice a goat. He had his music on, pacifier, me patting his back. The works. I had to do this for at LEAST an hour every night. Once we figured out how to put him to sleep without letting him cry it out, we tried that too, he would sleep alright for a few days then he would not want to go to sleep. I was stuck on trying to get him to sleep in the crib, cause that is where he was ” suppose” to sleep.
Finally, we moved the crib beside the bed so I could lay down and pat his back. Still, this took forever for him to go to sleep. He fussed about it mostly. A goat was sacrificed, and finally, he would go to sleep. I was then able to have some time in bed alone. My husband sleeps on the couch, per his choice. We even have another bed, but that is just used for intimate activities.
Most the time I would have to keep my hand on Lincoln’s back in order for him to stay asleep, so getting up to be intimate with husband was a rare feat.
Thinking soon he will be able to sleep on his own.
Month 16 –
Took away crib because it was just taking up space and Lincoln didn’t sleep more than an hour or so in it and usually ended up crying from separation anxiety if awoken. One of the Best decision I made since becoming a mom. We took away his crib, put it up to use for the next baby. That we will probably never use and that’s okay. Now he goes to sleep in 10 minutes instead of 2 hours.
Now he goes to sleep in 10 minutes instead of 2 hours. Says goodnight, sweet dreams to his daddy. Daddy responds with dreams sweats. He sleeps peacefully for hours. I usually get up and hang out with my husband, and watch adult shows. We even get use our other bed!
Now as I write this he is laying beside me. I would not have it any other way. This momma wishes she spent more time enjoying him lying with me instead of trying to get him to sleep in the crib. So many nights I sat beside the crib as he cried out wanting to be held. I would keep patting his back trying to get him to go to sleep.
What was the rush? I tried so hard to get him to grow up. Why did I want him so independent?
Looking back now I think I wanted my space. Breastfeeding took a lot out of me and by him sleeping in the crib, even for a few hours, got me that space. Now that I am no longer breastfeeding and he is so independent I want to be closer to him. I’m selfish that way. Being with him 24/7 isn’t enough. Give me more time with my baby.
I will never go through the pain and exhaustion that wasn’t needed. The words of people do not matter. The whispers of judgment because he wasn’t sleeping through the night yet. The judgment because he would be sleeping with me and my husband was on the couch.
How were we to be intimate if he was on the couch?! Oh yes, we were intimate. When we weren’t it wasn’t because we weren’t sleeping together. We are closer because the time we spend together is together, not on a device. Before we had Lincoln we would get mad at each other because the other person was on a device. We wanted device time to relax and play games and we weren’t spending time together.
These voices still crept into my head, blogs and articles about how to get your child to sleep through the night were all I read. I should have read how bedsharing was no longer seen as unsafe.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. He is perfectly safe right beside me. He is safer right beside me. I finally found a study that said that new research has supported co-sleeping and bedsharing.
Check out the article by clicking here.
Then I continued to research and learn that bed-sharing and co-sleeping are the secret way for mothers all over the world. Sleeping with your child has the highest percentage rate of decreeing the chance of SIDS. I had done the right thing the whole time… but trying to rewrite myself as a mother whose child slept in a crib.
Bedsharing is amazing. In fact, as soon as I get pregnant again, we are trying now, we are putting both queen size bed and full together to make a huge family bed! There is something magical about waking up next to a beautiful child. It makes you forget all the tossing and turning that has you sleeping at the foot of the bed.